


Nightmare or  no sleep

by Merelina



Category: Stucky - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Nightmares, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 18:58:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11995974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merelina/pseuds/Merelina
Summary: Bucky has nightmares, but has forgotten what to do with them. Forgotten why he should talk about them. A conversation between the rest of the avengers reminds him. In the end he realises the only real nightmare he has..





	Nightmare or  no sleep

**Author's Note:**

> First try at a story. Hope you guys like it!

 He doesn't physically need sleep as much as the regular human. And that is, in his case a great advantage. The others don't know that, they think he sleeps every night. He goes to bed, waits for every one to be asleep and gets up again. He needs to sleep for at least 3 hours after three days awake, preferably 5 hours for a full rest. He never makes it. He always has nightmares.

He dreams he falls seeing his friend Steve still trying to grasp his hand. He wakes up when he hits the ground.

He is in that chair again, they're operating on him. He feels every knife cut, and he sees every smirk from the people holding the scalpels.

He sees every kill he ever made. Every man and woman, every soldier and trained killer, every guard and civilian, every... Child he ever killed. He sees himself pushing a dagger through a seven year old boy's heart without giving a single fuck.

And when he wakes he lies completely silent, every muscle taut, like a spring waiting to jump, his hands around the steel supports of his beds. By now, his hands have bent the steal crooked.  
And then he cries, silent tears streaming down his face, making his pillow soaking wet.

The others are surprised he doesn't have nightmares. Lucky they say. Lucky Bucky! They smile. Yes...lucky. Lucky they don't know.  
He feels lucky too, though. When he eventually gets up again, all he sees is friendly faces, faces of people that come to care for him and he has come to care for in return. Steve's face. It is the best change from before. When he wakes up there is no chair waiting for him, no pain waiting for him, no punishment waiting for him, no torture anymore.

After about 6 months the conversation somehow turns to nightmares again. They talk about being comforted by another right after a nightmare. They say things like: "I woke you up before things got really bad" and: "I held you until you were okay again"  
And as the others talk, his mind is racing. He forgot that that is how it should go. He sees that all these superheroes, have had nightmares and were comforted. They showed weakness and... No vulnerability is a better word, and trusted the other with that wea.. vulnerability. He is pulled from his thoughts because he hears his name. "Lucky Bucky is the only one who doesn't have nightmares!" They all turn their attention to him for a second. "I..." Now their attention is fully on him. "I do." The silence is deafening.  
"Every time I had one as an asset, they would punish me for it." He falls silent, not looking at them, instead looking at his folded legs. To his own surprise, a drop falls on his knee. It takes him a second to realise it's his own tear. Another drop falls. Suddenly, he feels Nat and Steve moving towards him. His tired but always alert mind responds in fear, and he cowers, but in stead of the pain he expects, he feels warmth. The warm arms of Steve around him, the gentle fingers of Natasha on his wet face. His winter soldier mind does not understand at first. Then slowly it dawns on him; comforting. They are comforting him and he lets them. He slowly leans into Nat's hand. "Shhh Bucky, it's okay" it's as if those words break a dam. He grabs Steve and cries. Silent and still as ever, but he cries. Every tear he has locked in him, comes out.

And when he finally, finally is able to let go, he sees every one is still there. Not mocking, smiling, wishing him pain. But sad and understanding.

He answers all their questions, even though his training screams: weakness! You weak pathetic loser! Stop talking you filthy little Bitch STOP!  
But he doesn't stop. He talks about everything and anything that has to do with his dreams and sleep. Terrified of the pain he inevitably expects. Relieved to not get hurt.

They promise him they won't let him sleep alone anymore. They comfort him. They assure him he is save. Again and again.

Afterwards he confides his worst nightmare to Nat. "If I ever turn into that... Monster again. Nat, don't allow me to kill Steve. Please... Kill me before that happens. Please Nat please."  
She looks at him, steps closer. "You will never turn into that monstrosity ever again Bucky. But if you do, I will put you down."


End file.
